Finding Ruth

Happy New Blog Year! I know. I know. I miss you too!
Super grateful and excited to have you read this. THANK YOU 💗

I found a different kind of light in 2020 and I’d love to share with you.

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Ruth’s story
Ruth rushes off to pick up her phone as it vibrates aggressively on the table. Leaving the plantain to fry would be an action she would probably regret but that can wait. This call cannot.
She answers the phone on the very last ring, “Hello”. Knowing who was on the line and the accident, she wasn’t sure what to expect. “Hi, Ruth, I just called to let you know that I can’t do this anymore.” said the caller.
Ruth’s heart melted but she tried her luck, “Don’t give up now. Please don’t! We can get through this together.” She felt a sense of urgency and every word of encouragement she knew tumbled off her tongue and what did she get in return?
“No, don’t say that to me. There’s no WE anywhere, just me. See Ruth, kill whatever hopes you have of maintaining this friendship. I have nothing to offer but pain. Remember how much you’ve lost because of me – your man, career, everything. I don’t just hate myself. I hate you for staying this close to a time-bomb like me! Why didn’t you…” the caller rattled on.
Ruth has two options: stick to a broken friend who might have lost her mind together with everything she’s worth or run to save herself from such responsibilities.

What will you do if you were Ruth? I’m sure you guessed the caller was Na***!
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Here are the things I have learnt (still learning) about Friendship and in no particular order:

• Definitions are important: nah!not the Oxford Dictionary definition here but have you ever felt at a loss when you have to describe someone’s position in your life and you just refer to them as ‘friends’? I have and the next minute, I start questioning how accurate that tag is. Personally, I believe it is fine to address people by who they really are to you -acquaintances, colleagues, partners and so on. It’s also possible that your friend is not aware of his/her stake in your life. So they think, “that’s my study partner” but you think “well I want to share how I feel and gist with this person. Don’t they get it?”. Well they don’t. Know your why or the why for that friendship.

Can two walk together except they be agreed? Amos 3:3

This isn’t about making friendships complex, it’s about putting your heart in the hands of someone who knows what is at stake. Be on the same page- define what y’all are.

• It’s a CHOICE: You Choose Your Friend(s)! Even though we act like people just drop on our paths and pull us into a friendship coven- so we can escape the guilt or responsibility of actually choosing our friends. We don’t get to choose our families (fortunately or not. LOL) but friendship is definitely by choice. It’s so important to choose and choose right who you’re going to be running with and running to. Do your values align? Is this someone you can be seen with; whose influence is comfortable for you; who you can share with etc.

Whoever said “Birds of the same feather flock together & show me your friend and I’ll show you who you are” wasn’t stupid. Maybe people can’t tell who you are by looking at your friend’s actions (I mean we’re all different) but I bet they can by looking at the choices you’ve made.
Oh! God is very much interested in helping you make the right choices too. You might also want to check why you’re attracting the wrong persons -if you are.

• Be Intentional: we toss this word around a lot to appear serious with life yea? But being a friend is being deliberate about the other person(s) because it’d not always be convenient and you’d not always be available. Personally, my favorite excuses are how busy I am; how I don’t like calls but prefer texts; insert yours… Aren’t these genuine concerns? Maybe. Maybe Not. But while empathy & understanding is required from the other party, it’d be unfair to get laid back on your responsibilities to your friends. If you need to set reminders or add them to your to-do list or any other way, then do.

Friendships do not thrive on the bedrock of excuses.

Newsflash: friendship takes efforts.

• Friendship is a two-way thing: what’s the difference between pulling all the weight without reciprocation and actually being alone? Biology says symbiosis and it doesn’t matter how holy or nice you try to make it, value has to be shared and there has to be a giver and a receiver either simultaneously or per time! I say per-time because there are times when the scale tilts to one end more than the other but not forever or always. If it tilts towards you for a bit, would you bail?

Some of us are really comfortable giving or being sounding boards for our friend(s) but we aren’t comfortable being vulnerable or receiving love from them. ~Eyes myself~ Maybe you still need to find that friend.

• Friendships expire: Some in premium tears. Some you drift apart or outgrow it. Some has to be deliberate especially when it’s toxic or when they no longer align with your values or future. Someone said

Friends are for a reason and a season (a season can be a life-time or not)

Don’t beat yourself up. Don’t get guilt-tripped into staying in an abusive ‘friendship’ that leaves you battered, sad and with a little less self-worth. “The love you let in heals you”- losing friends may really hurt but heal for yourself and others who love you.

• Purpose?: After attaching a purpose to your friendship, I’d like to let you know that… Your friend(s) cannot fill the void of your personal purpose or of God. Err, so God doesn’t want us to be alone and so he says “go ahead. Mingle. Make friends- like I want you to be my friend. Build into their lives and they can build into yours. Win together. Sharpen one another and hold each other up.” It’d be weird to not have a personal goal or purpose or even motivation or an independent mind because …friends! We’ve seen this happen with so many people living their lives based on their friend’s choices/opinions. Also, in the midst of a thousand friends, there may be a need for isolation or even times when you’re really alone (and this isn’t because your friends are bad – they might genuinely not be available or it’s just something you feel you have to go through alone- it happens). The best person to have in your corner; who’s never away,never on a break, never too busy is God.

You’re never ever alone when God’s in your corner.

We desire friends like Jonathan who was ‘deeply impressed with David—an immediate bond was forged between them. He became totally committed to David. From that point on he would be David’s number-one advocate and friend. Jonathan, out of his deep love for David, made a covenant with him. He formalized it with solemn gifts: his own royal robe and weapons—armor, sword, bow, and belt.’
1 Samuel 18:1‭, ‬3‭-‬4 MSG

But beyond finding Jonathan or Ruth, I hope you’re willing and committed to being one and more! ~calls my name seven times~

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Thank you for reading! Don’t forget to share what you’d do if you were Ruth (first story) and your opinions/reality on friendship! Like & Share

🥂To amazing friends

💝💡