The Only Reason

“Baby girl, you can’t wear that or you’d attract…”.

“Baby girl, don’t go through that road because…”.

“Baby girl, you should get yourself some pepper spray or tasers because…”

“Baby girl, don’t walk alone especially at night because…”.

“err…also don’t outrightly tell a guy No because…”.

You know the other advises we get because …

For what this is worth, I now know a young girl (Uwa) who went to read in a church near her house. She was raped and now she is dead. I now know a 12 years old who was allegedly defiled by eleven men. And just while I was about to release this post yesterday, Barakat was raped and murdered in Ibadan, Nigeria.

These are not fictitious stories or mere ‘cases’. This is reality. The reality for millions of young girls and women. The reality of living in fear and by rules that do not assure safety. The reality of danger lurking behind every encounter with the opposite sex. The reality of being hunted.

One in every three women Experience violence.

One in every four girls is sexually abused before age 18.

35 percent of women experience sexual/physical violence.

In just two days, hashtags for more than 3women was a trend on Nigeria Twitter; #JusticeforTina, #Justiceforuwa and #justiceforjennifer. While the world battles a global pandemic, the violations of human dignity is very much on the rise. Imagine the heightened risk of being female in one of the most dangerous countries for women – Nigeria.

I’ve gone through several emotions from anger to tears. The untold stories and un-trended hashtags are way more than we know. Justice delayed. Yet we get the rules and the blame while the RAPIST walks free – putting many others at risk.

I’m not even going to bother with statistics right now but let’s see how many points you have if you’ve ever experienced any of this:

1. Ever been threatened with rape (1point)
2. Ever been stared at in a sexual way that made you uncomfortable (1point)
3. Ever had to change route for safety purposes (1point)
4. Ever received unwanted physical contact (or almost) (1point)
5. Ever received unwanted comments, suggestive remarks, whistling or singing from someone or people (1points)
6. Ever been asked for a sexual favour – in exchange for gifts or help (1point)
7. Ever had unwanted sexually offensive materials on display (1point)
8. Ever had to worry about your cloth (or even change it), not because they’re uncomfortable/indecent but to reduce the chances of being harassed or assaulted (1point)
9. Ever had your personal space invaded (1point)
10. Ever been raped (1point –I want to give this 100points though)

…this is not some game but feel free to share your points and thoughts with me in the comment space.

It beats me to think that there are not just RAPIST prancing around but there are enablers and apologists, giving excuses as to why rape happened.

There is no justification for rape! THE ONLY REASON FOR RAPE is the RAPIST! Blame the rapist!

No woman deserves to have her dignity stripped from her. No woman deserves to live in fear. No woman deserves to live a traumatic life from a rapist’s ephemeral pleasure. The special rules won’t and can’t work for us when we have an environment that enables rape.

As glad as I am about the hashtags and conversations around rape, there is still so much more we can do as individuals, family and society. Whatever sociocultural conditioning that has enabled rape culture can be dismantled.

Rape is to force sexual intercourse or other sexual activity upon another person, without their consent.

Start with rebuking your friends who make lousy sexual jokes and comments. Start by enlightening your older ones who still carry the mentality that a woman is disadvantaged and has no say. Don’t just teach the girls, educate the boys to respect women. Call out the rapist you know and report cases you suspect (It is better to be safe than sorry).

Stop blaming the victim! Instead listen to them and give them all the support you can. Stop normalizing abuse. I am not about to clap for the police or the judiciary either. How slow our lawmakers are when it comes to passing bills that protect women! How unemphatic the police is when it comes to violence Against women (since most of them are culprits). How slow the judiciary is in dispensing justice!

There’s so much to know about rape culture, so we can monitor our action and not enable what we claim to fight against. More ways to stand against Rape by UN (you should click and learn😒).

Ignorance is not an excuse for rape; it’s enablement and justification.

One thing remains IMPORTANT through my anger and pain. It’s running to my safe place and praying that God shines His light through this darkness and save us. Trust me, it’s overwhelming everywhere else.

Don’t forget to share your points👆 and thoughts with me!

Light and pepper sprays (since we have to be armed🤦)